Friday, July 27, 2012 @ 11:43 PM
tired+++
5 days of lessons straight plus work is seriously tiring.
okay i've actually skipped 1 lesson which is yesterday for ANNIE.
but it's equally tiring, it's either lesson in the morning, work in the evening
or work in the morning, lesson in the evening.
although tomorrow it's my rest day, but i got lectures from 9am-4pm.
but but but, i can't really complain much about it because i chose part time nursing.
thank God its only a year, wonder how Kenneth will be able to cope for 4yrs. >.<
after today's tutorial, suddenly my student life became very real again.
ASSIGNMENTS. right. i have 2 essays to write and tutorials to do
plus group presentation all by September. >.<
however, school isn't the tiring one,
its the lack of sleep and physical activities to do in the ward.
2 days back, resuscitated a patient before i'm off duty at night.
took care of a real fat indian lady for 2 days and her weight really break my back...
the mental stresses of rushing and overseeing my junior plus Dr's slient orders which contributes to umpteen times of shocks.
draining. really draining.
then, on a brighter note,
which really cheers me up a lot today, thinking that "yea that's what nursing should be!"
when i took care of Uncle Billy again.
Dr H asked me if Uncle B opens his eyes, obey commands, she said that Uncle B seems unresponsive.
so i told her i'll try to assess once i've taken over the report.
next i went to assess Uncle B's conscious level, trying to get him to obey my commands by moving his limbs and he did, except for opening his eyes, till i actually forced open his left eye, his pupils then regain focus and the other eye opened.
subsequently i spent some time talking to him, telling him that he have to open his eyes, and stay alert for the Dr to assess his condition. otherwise if they can't see any improvements they can't plan their treatment, asked him to raise his hands and assisted him in some range of movements, introduced myself to him as my dad's daughter, and asked if he remembers, he actually smiled, and that really warms my heart. then i sat him up in the bed, talked to him while feeding his milk and meds, told him that Aunty Esther have been by his side and was very worried about him, told him to try not to sleep anymore, stay awake and let his family see his big improvements. Took the singspiration book that Aunty Esther used to worship at his bed side and i started see him making effort to try to flip the pages.
later, he managed to write on the white board, and then on his daughter Cherlyn came and saw her dad opening his eyes, sitting up in bed (he actually able to sit OUT of bed to the chair today too!)
Uncle Billy then started playing his favorite IPhone game, bejeweled.
isn't God amazing? honestly, when Uncle was intubated and critically ill, his prognosis was guarded.
till the decision for tracheostomy, in my heart honestly i was thinking. "shit..... this is bad... will he ever get out of the ICU again..?" pneumonia, heart attack, creatinine rising in trend, sepsis. i was really thinking that he probably won't be able to make it out well. it's like even so if he can wean off from the ventilator, he'll probably be bed bound forever, very depressed.
but today, after spending real time with Uncle Billy for near an hour plus, trying to encourage him, tell him that his doing well, make him sit up in bed and move a little, dragged him out of bed and sit on the chair, i was very pleased, not with myself but with God. my heart skipped a beat. Uncle Billy smiled at me. He was able to read through the worship songbook and he seems like worshipping in his heart (just look at his expressions) when Rev Poh came and visit, Uncle B was able to recognize him and he smiled again.
the ICU team as well as the physic was pretty surprised with his sudden alertness.
I know God used me to dragged Uncle B out in bed, speak to Uncle B.
because if i'm myself a few days ago, i probably not do the assessment myself and get my junior to do it. But i felt the urge to want to talk to Uncle B and i did, then i saw wonders.
i was satisfied. and i realized that i still like nursing, even though there's so many dissatisfactions, but this one thing today just boost the passion again.
I like to see my patients getting well, although its pretty tough, but it's really satisfying.
that one smile will just warm your hearts from all the frustrations you have of that patient. really.
"when life turns you down, you gotta hold onto the Lord and trust that He saves.
Because He lives."
Saturday, July 21, 2012 @ 11:49 PM
and here's your belated birthday card!
Dearest Kenneth,
for the past few days, i'm having these weird feelings that i can't explain why.
i like to irritate you by telling you, so and so told me this, so and so said that...
i could tell that you didn't like it. and it irritates you probably a lot. especially when the 'so' is a guy.
i wanted to test your limits, then i realized sometimes when i saw u irritated, i felt really sorry.
but i still like to irritate you. hahaa! okay, from now, i'll stop.
when i told you i miss you right in front of your face, i actually do mean it.
i dunno since when it started that even when you're with me, i still misses you.
i'm not trying to be mushy here, but seriously expect when i'm asleep, i've been thinking about you
and it's not an easy thing to cope with but i've been trying to.
i like to put up a brave front, like all so confident and cheery, but deep inside, i'm actually pretty insecure. sometimes when i looked at you, i'll be thinking about what's going through your mind, should i probe further? but sometimes i didn't dare to, even when i really really want to, because i want to support and encourage you, thus i'll always tell myself that you'll tell me when u want to.
you're right that sometimes when i said that you don't have to, deep inside i do hope so.
for you to accompany me back home from work, sometimes i get urges to want to call you and talk to you till we both fell asleep, but i held back all these because i want to give you rest,
knowing that you're well rested, i'll feel happy.
dear, i'm really falling in love with you deeper each day, and although it feels tough to resist against all these emotions and thoughts, but i'm really happy and looking forward to creating more futures with you.
happy birthday! <3
xoxo,
Gabrielle.
Friday, July 20, 2012 @ 12:19 AM
back to school!
supposed to have my first lecture yesterday,
however chose to skip it because it was Kenneth's birthday <3
so had my 'first' lecture today.
it's good to be a student once again,
but this time i'm a part-time student.
which also mean that i'm even busier than before.
gonna have 2 mods for this semester
and today's lecture was somehow like a revision? reminder?
because i've gone through it since diploma, advance diploma and now in degree.
but it was kind of a different feeling.
this lecture was about reflective cycle and caring, applying theories and applications
(a core module: foundation of nursing)
when i was in diploma, it was inspiring, aspire to apply in my nursing life.
then again, in advance diploma, was a touch and go thing however it was encouraging,
because i already know and experienced the reality, i was encouraged that
at the end of my adv dip, i wanna excel to be a good and caring nurse.
but then today, it became skeptical. it's total opposite of reality.
it's about a year plus since i graduated from advanced dip,
and slowly i'm getting more and more tired and unmotivated to work.
the amount of admin work to do, the amount of disappointments i get from work
that i got pretty negative about my workplace.
++++ politics, gossips, unhappiness about management have been becoming more and more unbearable each day, until it became the "whatever, not my problem" attitude.
everyone was too task orientated that the very basic of nursing was not done.
which is to care. we easily say that we care for our patients,
yet we totally forget about the meaning behind the word care.
worst still, many of us actually don't even care.
i used to reflect on my work, my care for patients in the past,
i used to empathize, i used to be more involved
but today i realized that i've also became task orientated, i just wanna get things done
because there's too much to do, frustrations at work just make me feel tired and sick
that after work i just wanna relax and not think about work or talk about it.
during my long bus ride back home, i told wenya how i felt at work,
getting more negative and feeling skeptical about what was taught earlier.
she told me to be more positive, trying to encourage me to think in another way, telling me what should i do instead, however i've kind of 'discouraged' her by telling her that "it's no use, say also no use, roll call so many times also no use etc." when she told me her plans, for the split second in my mind was "try lor, sure fail" (yea i'm that negative about work already.)
yet she still maintains her positive attitude to wanting to make a change in the ward and that does gave me some encouragement to be positive again, that i told myself "okay gabrielle chia, you gonna learn to rock the ward together with wenya!"
i'm really glad that she's back to the ward, willing to act out and do things to change and not just saying it like most of the people in the ward do. that really encourages me to look forward to work again,
reflect upon what has changed since i'm back from adv dip, and with her alongside with me, i can see things in a positive way (because she will tell me about it) and i hope that will bring me back on track to become what i used to be.
my dearest bff, Toh WenYa, thank you for being here. encouraging and teaching me. i may sound defensive at times because i'm really pretty sian and tired with what's going around in the ward, the environment is too discouraging and sore, but i really did listen to what you said, take it to heart and reflect through.
to conclude my thoughts,
In life, every aspect of it need someone to be there to give you a little push to keep you going, it need someone to be there to keep you within, otherwise things will just fall apart.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012 @ 11:26 PM
as time passes by...
took care of uncle B today, he went for tracheostomy.
thank God his tracheostomy site didn't bleed as expected
and thank God that he woke up shortly after the operation,
able to gesture a nod to his family.
don't really know how to comfort aunty Esther and Justin,
because at the back of my head i know that for a tracheostomy patient to recover,
it takes very very very long period of time and its not going to be easy,
especially when uncle B is still unable to move his body.
pretty pessimistic about it.
i really hope uncle B can regain full commands but it has been a week plus
that he didn't really show much signs of improvement.
and almost everyday, aunty Esther teared outside the room.
that heartache, must be difficult to bear.
hope Justin can become her pillar and support the family.
on a brighter note,
on my way to dental today, i received a surprise call from L
it's pretty heart warming to hear from an old friend again.
updated him about my current life: school, work, r/s
and also, i don't have to wear rubber bands for at least 2 months!
i'm going to start school tmr! but then hor~
i'm going to pon-ten because it's my dear Mr Loke's bday!
3 hours lecture...
seriously?!?
Friday, July 06, 2012 @ 11:30 PM
thank you friends for showering love.
it's really good to catch up with my friends again during my annual leave,
updating each other's life, knowing how they are, laughing away as if we own the space,
crapping and complaining, whining and encouraging.
it's so good to be able to study with wenya again. really hope during our part time studying and working, we'll learn to encourage one another and pull through whatever that comes.
it felt good that sharon came to me with her problem, so that i can help her and encourage her, ever since i've shifted back to jurong west, our friendship grew closer, she's my jogging buddy, my movie buddy.
i really enjoyed chatting with gera although she's super busy at times, but listening to her whinings and all her funny thoughts really made me laugh. its so fun to crap with her.
i'm always very much became crazy when i'm with my crazy cuzzies, we laughed, we joked, we chit chat until we'll always forget the time, caught in our own world and not forgetting cam whoring.
as usual, sue fern will throw true hard facts that's difficult to digest at times, fierce and not nice to hear, but they are all good-for-me advices. a friend who really cares.
new friend cum colleague Ling Ling, we gotten closer and we shared about the happenings in the ICU,
recently with her around, the ICU atmosphere feels happier, really hope we can encourage one another with the word of God and not forgetting our purpose as nurses.
last but not least my poly cliques!
huiru, never fail to plan our meet ups and gatherings!
shuting, never fail to crap all day long
linn, never fail to get bullied by us.
jason, forever give passing remarks that sometimes we don't even care. ooops!
after today, my weekends will be spend together with my boy <3
much more love.
and in all these...
"We love because He first loved us" -1 John 4:19
Tuesday, July 03, 2012 @ 1:55 PM
smile July!
yes! today's my 2nd day of leave!
time to catch up with friends again!!
day 1: wenya, crazy cuzzies
day 2: sharon and geraldine
day 3: Suefern (like finally!)
day 4: meet the boyfriend
day 5: Ling ling and my poly friends!
day 6: meet the boyfriend again (maybe?)
day 7: to church! and adele's 1st bday
day 8: rest. and back to work the next day!
after leave, i'm gonna have my night shifts again
and ta da! school start!!
i'm not sure how taxing will this month be,
i'll be doing ICU statistics all by myself.
do internal audits with every 3 days documentation audits and summary report.
go for lessons, do homework.
time spent with Kenneth will be lesser.
and i'll be definitely complaining and whining away very much.
AHHHHHH!!!
(stresssssseddd!)
@ 1:12 AM
the relationship status
instead of receiving msgs like "how are you?"
i've been receiving msgs like "how's your relationship?" " how are you with Kenneth?"
really glad that friends are concerned about my relationship.
i must say that, we're good :) we grew much closer together
getting to know each other even better each day.
once again, i felt really blessed to have Kenneth
it's one of the greatest blessings i have in life.
Thank God that we found each other, thank God for His great plans He had for us.
Some people said "how will you know Kenneth is the one? you've been together like a month plus."
i learnt that, you've never know if he/she is the one, only till the day you said 'i do' to his 'will you?' then it was you who made him the one. the thing about courtship is to strive to make 'i do(s)' possible
than to keep guessing those "what if(s)" therefore it requires a lot of trust and honesty.
wenya said "it's a blessing that Kenneth found a job."
indeed, it's important for a guy to have a job, it doesn't have to be high salaried but at least a job to keep him moving and motivated. not lazing around doing nothing.
had HTHT with my crazy cuzzies, and i realized that i'm also blessed that from knowing Kenneth till he woo-ed me, it's pretty much straightforward.
He likes me, woo-ed me, i like him, we got together.
it's unlike a lot of guessings here and there... probably a little that doesn't last long, but for many people, whom some i knew, it was grey. a lot of guessings involved and emotions were drained and hurt.
so happy:)
i'm blessed and loved...
again and again, the Lord showed me.
